Hello Dear Friends,
I am sitting in front of my computer looking quite pitiful tonight.
Have you desperately loves someone before? I mean really gave up a part of you to love them?
Then they wound you, mortally. A searing pain rips through you, and you begin to see that maybe they aren’t who you thought they were, and then doubt creeps in.
Doubt is just that- a creep.
I think there could be no pain like being wounded by your best friend, your most trusted ally. The one you run too before a battle for encouragement and the one who lifts your head when the battle didn’t go so well. When that person, the one you adore hurts you, there is a loss of blood. There is a stain dripped down onto that bright white garment you wear. It’s color once bright fades to a dark, bitter maroon, and then a rusty brown. I wonder if that is something that happened before or after the cross. Was it always that color upon death of the cells, or did blood change forever to a rusty nail infested color after our Saviors hands were hung like a picture frame to a wooden cross.
I write because I feel the Lord when I do. You will see if you read more than this post that He somehow comes in, a midst my ramblings and hijacks whatever I was saying, and He encourages you. I am only human, so incredibly feeble and feeling. I am so glad He doesn’t operate upon his feelings for us.
When you have been hurt, there is only one who can bring peace, comfort, and restore what is lost, broken or dead; Jesus, Himself. He sends Holy Spirit to begin working in our heart to promote a softness among a wall of pain. He send in archers of love – like cupid- to begin ministering to the broken part of us, and He begins to heal. He doesn’t move quickly- this I know. He moves at His own speed, and who are we-literally to question it. But… my husband hates that word- we do question Him don’t we? We don’t understand and we weren’t meant too, the timing was off, the right people weren’t in place, the one who hurt you hadn’t acknowledged their part in the equation.
I have few things that I deeply enjoy. I am an introvert. I actually took a test that told me that and I didn’t believe it at first. I have lately begun to see the signs. My favorite activities are reading, sewing, singing, and staying home. I am a homebody, and because I go out to work everyday, when I get off, the only place I want to be is home. I want to be at the place my favorite people are. I enjoy them, they are why I work to begin with! I have begun sewing things that actually have the potential to be sold.
I was so excited when I sold my first bag. Right after that I was asked to make a memory quilt and I jumped at the opportunity to use something I love to bless someone else. I didn’t charge much because this was something that would become a legacy for someone else. Then the same person asked for multiple quilts- about 7. I sewed and sewed and I am still sewing and sewing to finish the last 3. I made a purse in camo because my darling brother said to me, “If you make one in camo, I guarantee I can sell it.” I did and he did. He also sold 5 more. I was so excited, I haven’t even made them yet and they are sold. Something I made, is a blessing to someone else. I shared this with someone very important in my life and was brushed off. They said, “You won’t make enough, it’s not worth it. It takes too much time. There are easier and faster ways to make money.”
Mortal Blow. Ow. This is my dream! To write and create out of the abundance of the Lord. To not put my family after the job, I don’t even want, but must have. I put it off, ignored that response and asked to speak about it later. The response I got was surreal. They were bitter at me. Really bitter, turned some other issues we have had around and blamed me for things, I truly didn’t understand. Some things that are illogical, and grossly unfair. I am hurting so deeply over this and I am writing this because I need your prayers. Would you pray for me? I love this person so very much and I believe this incident will stay with us for some time if the Lord doesn’t become involved. I have lived through so many things with this person, forgiven so many wrongs and I need your prayers to remind me that 70 x 7 was an instruction from one who was perfect and blameless yet bore sin in my place. Please pray that I will forgive quickly and completely. I do not desire caring around this weight, or being full of anger or strife.