I have dreams. Lots of them.
Big dreams. I actually thought that they would all come true.
I told you last week, I gave up the musical dream, the one that most vocalist have. I am ok with losing that dream. In that dream it would have been all about me.
The other dreams, have so little to do with me, but instead they have everything to do with children.
I have found that God is not caught unaware of any situation or circumstance. He knows. Everything. You can not come up with anything that He has not already made a plan for in your life.
My dreams begin with children. Lots and lots of children. This dream is one my spouse and I do not share. The endless pain of that has the ability to cripple. Instead of focusing on what my dream is, I look to the Lord. He alone, gave me each dream held tightly in my grasp. Today I have to let my dreams go. I am learning, as you are everyday that the things we do in His name, are not always done with Him, but instead for Him. The commission wasn’t go and do it without Him, but to take Him with us.
I guess somewhere in my hurried and chaotic wedding vows I didn’t hear the parts about giving up my dreams for my husbands dreams. That’s the amazing part about the word of God, sometimes you have to look deeper than the surface. His answers aren’t the same for every one of us; but instead He tailor makes each and every plan and dream. My desire to so strongly pursue my dream and give it up for Tim’s could very well be the only thing the Lord was trying to teach me. It may not be that I one day have an orphanage with laughing children in Africa the way I have always dreamed, maybe it will be a scaled back version of my dream, where my hearts longing and desire is carried out by the monetary support I send. Maybe having more children in my home is not to be. If the Lord has called me to more, He, and He alone will change my husbands heart. I am powerless to change him or anyone else. I can only change myself. I can choose to place my dreams in first place in my heart, and lose my marriage, or I can put the Lord first, my marriage second and my children third and let everything else be put into place by the Lord.
I put my faith in the Lord. He is the reason we change our lives upside down just to be aligned to Him and His word. This is not an easy thing to do. In fact, aside from losing my dad 6 years ago- His birthday was today, and He gets to celebrate with Jesus now, and cakes far better than I could have made—-wait— there is cake in heaven right? right??????? Marriage is the hardest thing I could have ever imagined in my life. Two different people with different backgrounds is hard enough, but Adam and Eve had junk in the trunk and they didn’t even HAVE parents, or divorces, or anything outside of their “issue” in the garden!
I also know it is the greatest gift God gave us so there has to be something He hopes we accomplish for the strife and anguish caused by rough spots in relationships.
I tell you, what I tell me- we CAN do this, and God Himself can have ALL of the glory. When a long time marriage is winning, get around those people and soak up their great tips, attitudes and words most used. Most of us show only the good in front of others, so we have this falsehood of great marriages secretly hemorrhaging in the church. No one wants to be “that couple”, you know- the one everyone knows has a struggling marriage. I dare you, be open with people you can trust- no everyone isn’t called to be as open with the world as I am. Some of you though, are called to be small group marriage leaders, and others are meant to be small group marriage attendees. The title doesn’t matter, the fellowship with other people who have gone before you is what matters. The contact, the information, the help, the wisdom of those who have made something incredible from a story much like yours or mine- well that’s the point.
You aren’t alone. You are not the only one messed up. Your spouse isn’t the only one messed up. The one thing we all share is fear of failure. You can give in, or you can stick out your jaw, wipe off the tears, and slobber marring your face and get back into the battle. There is one who has already gone before you and He has won the battle. You are able to do this and leave a legacy- of faith.
Much Love, and Incredible Faith in Him to do a good work in you and your marriage!!!