The Impact of Closet Prayers

For most of us, there is one moment- at minimum- that you regret more than any other moment. The reasons for the regret can be multiple, but the key is, it can’t be changed, or deleted. The moment happened. I have that moment stored, and I hold it close, because to expose that moment would break me, and everyone around me. I have allowed that moment to hold me captive for years. I look at it and remember it all the time. I will expose some of that moment now, so that it can’t haunt me any longer, and I will give God glory- because He is faithful and He is light in the darkness.

As I have shared before, I lost my step father in July of 2008 while I was separated from my husband, Tim. It was a difficult time and a horrendous loss of life. Even knowing he is with God, I am unable to find total peace. I desire too, but there is a weight upon me. I heard of Chris’¬†injury and went to see him, and while I was there I was making plans for my night. I left that day and went to watch my brother play softball, and when I left there I went somewhere else. The problem here is that normally, I am the one who goes to the hospital and stays until someone forces me to leave, unfortunately, my heart was so mixed up I selfishly left Chris and my mom to deal with it. While I was out in places I shouldn’t have been, my step father who I so desperately love, was slipping away and I wasn’t there to catch him. Even after he caught me so many times, and balanced me back out.

The last few weeks have been stressful and what happens to me, may happen to you, I get overwhelmed and I go to a place of darkness and I sit there and think of all of my mistakes, my errors- much like King David. Not that I am a Queen or Royalty, but I can read my own thoughts in the Psalms. Last night I had some worship music on and I felt like I needed to go to my closet to pray. Yes, my closet- I even cleaned it so I would have room on the floor to get on my face before the Lord. I opened my Bible and turned straight to Psalms 51, and I wept; because-there are not coincidences in His word, and the moment that you read it. He has a direct goal to bring you into His presence, to speak to you.

Psalms 51 is David crying out for God’s forgiveness after his sin with Bathsheba. He is asking God to restore his joy, to reunite his spirit with the heart of God. As I read this, I could relate on such a level that I almost felt like I was in the Kings palace, knowing I have everything, but not allowing that to satisfy me, and then carrying the weight of my sin along with all of my armor. The load is heavy, but He- Oh the Lord is faithful. As I was weeping I heard the closet door open, and felt a little body slip in. I didn’t look up, just continued to cry and pray to the Lord, and I heard a sweet voice calling out for God to come- to be with us in mommy’s closet. I looked up and my son-7 has his face on the carpet crying out to the Lord, and I broke.

That is our God. That is His presence and His love. He calls us to a place of brokenness and then He showers us with blessings and favor far beyond what we deserve. My sin deserved death. My God exchanged my sentence and instead gave me life. My heart exalts the Lord, exhorts His Name. He is a faithful, and just God. He is a loving father, and a joyful friend. He is one who mourns with you, and calls you back to joy.

I cannot take back my errors or my decisions, and despite how highly I thought of myself, I could not save my dear step father- I am not God. He allowed the loss, and while I may carry the pain and guilt of that for years to come, I know that I am forgiven and I am loved- beyond measure, against all odds, He calls to me, and says, “My Beloved, come.”

He says that to you today as well, “My Beloved, come.” He wants you to bring Him nothing but yourself, broken, used, devastated, heart broken, hurting, lonely, empty. He wants to take us from paupers, commoners and promote us to Royalty. He says- “For you and You alone, I would send my son to die, a sinner’s death- your death- on a cross- because I so desperately love you, that I had to tear the veil to give you access to my Holy Places.”

Go to Him today- and lay yourself before the Lord- and let your children see a contrite heart before the Lord. Show them the access that Jesus paid for- teach them to pave a way into His presence.




The Grace of God

jan 18 15 acts 20 24

I have always loved the Jeremiah 29:11 verse, but over the last few months I have adopted a new verse, Acts 20:24.

I am not good at telling the unsaved about Christ. It is my greatest weakness. What I am good at is interjecting into converations who God is , and what He is able to do.

At the end of everyday I can lay my head on my pillow with confidence that He is able and willing to do all things on my behalf, and most importantly, that I am never alone.



2015- The Beginning

So- It’s been a few months, sorry about that. Life has been real and happening in the Summa house and we have been rolling with the punches to come out unscathed!

I hope your holiday season was everything you believed it would be. I can speak for us, and it was wonderful! I can’t ask for more than the Lord gives me. My dreams come true all of the time, and not just because I have small dreams! ūüôā

I have some interesting news for those who have been following along in this journey.

I met with my dad a few months ago, quite unexpectedly and we are working to restore a broken relationship. Please pray for us, as in growth, there is pain.

When I stopped writing a few months ago, I decided that maybe I would stop altogether, especially since it didn’t seem that what I wrote really affected anyone or anything. As I began 2015, I started to miss the gentle tapping of the keys and the clearness of mind that always comes after a particularly special message. What I write isn’t for you. I guess saying it and knowing it are two different things. I write to Him. I tell my deepest secrets to Him, and while you are certainly a part of that journey, it’s not your journey that I journal, it’s mine. Can He use my weakness? My tears, challenges, pain, and joy to show you the way to His heart? ¬†– well of course, He is God.

What does this year bring? I don’t know. I know what is ahead and behind me is covered by the grace and mercy of God, and I will keep walking. There are days my head is heavy, and I can barely lift it for the shame, or disappointment that I carry. There are other days when I feel like I actually am Wonder Woman, and no obstacle can conquer my mission. The remaining time, I realize that I am simply here for a short time; that my real life begins, when I meet my Savior face to face.

What I will tell you whether you are new or a returning visitor- God is Able, Faithful, Incredible and He wants to come along for your journey- but He won’t invite Himself.





Fully Invested Moments

There are defining moments in every persons life. My moments have been like yours, some grab you and you feel completely unable to handle the battle in front of you. You are David and Goliath is standing there, and the stones are slipping from your hands, as the sword is thrust powerfully through your armor and you are completely unprepared for the wound that hides under the armor.

Other moments, you already have the sling in the air, and the whirring sound of it whizzing around is more deafening than the shaking of an entire armies armor. The stone connects and you didn’t even realize you released it.


I don’t know what moment this is for me. It is a moment, something is changing, something deep within me, that is un-content with the same ole stuff. Dreams are coming back to life that I buried long ago, and they came back bigger. Like a weed does, with those dreams coming back bigger, fears have grown until they tower over me. I am learning that my greatest fear is to be forgotten.

That my ¬†life will have counted-for nothing. I am nothing but a vapor anyway. I don’t know about you, I really don’t. Most of you, if you follow this, I don’t know your names, I haven’t even figured out (despite being quite tech savy) how to figure out who does or doesn’t get a copy of this in their email everyday. I don’t know your life, your story. Your hopes, dreams, failures- epic failures. I just know we are all the same, because we have them. I believe you, like I have hopes that are gigantic, and wonderful and could change so many lives for the better, and I have fears that even if I accomplish those things they will all come crumbling down. My main purpose of this has always been to be real. To not be the one everyone wants to be like. There are some bloggers, and I sit in amazement at their accomplishments, both personally and professionally and I think how much I wish I was like them. But, I am not. I am me, and my life is quite messy and my best guess is, your’s is too. Marriage isn’t easy. Children aren’t easy. Work isn’t easy, both in and out of the home. Recreation isn’t easy, and relationships in general… well… they aren’t easy.

The one thing that is easy: Prayer. Because in the midst of your “I don’t know if I can keep doing this moment”, there is a still small voice. The one that spoke you into existence that says, “my strength is made perfect in your weakness”. It’s true isn’t it? When we can no longer hold our head up, mysteriously and miraculously, it somehow sits up there… and not only is it functional as a hat holder- there is a smile that comes from deep within, that the God of the Universe is FULLY invested in my mess. He isn’t a Jeanie in the bottle— we can’t “rub” Him the right way- He doesn’t work like that, but He is fully capable and incredibly able to make all of your yucky days; well. He can turn the dark skies to sunny in an instant, and He wants too. That’s my favorite part. He wants to hold my hand. He wants to tell me He loves me, and He wants more than anything to be my everything.

No matter where you are in this journey of life, grace and faith; He is there, and He loves you. So much.

Blessings Friends- whose names I do not know,


Character Begins With You

I promised an Old Testament moment- journey with me, will ya?

I loved the first time I read that Isaac loved Rebekah. I re-read it over and over, because I had never seen anywhere in the Bible where a husband and wife loved each other. Instead it was all legalistic rules about daughters being sold, or given as property over to another. It made me sad for the, but somewhere inside of me, I always believed I could be in a loveless marriage and bring love and joy to it. I don’t know why I believed I had super powers: for the record- I don’t and I do love my husband and he loves me too.

I started to read about Isaac and Rebekah again last night and I was captivated by the kindness of this woman who loved her husband, and was a selfless individual. She was kind to a stranger and his animals. In Genesis we read that she not only got water for this stranger, but also for his camels, and she didn’t dawdle or take her time, she ran to care for them. That impressed me. I thought- this chick puts me to shame. I started to study what I was reading, and the more I read, the more I realized that I really don’t understand, or attempt to learn enough about what God has said to us in days past to support His dream for our future.

Rebekah marries Isaac when he is 40. It says that she was a great comfort to him at the death of his mother. We learn that Isaac was given two similar situation to his fathers; he lied about his wife being his sister- gross- stop doing that guys! He got busted because he and his “wife” didn’t get a room; instead it says, ahem, “he groped her in public”… yep- that happened and I bet most of you ladies understand Rebekah’s plight- groping is never a good thing! His second issue like his father’s was a seemingly barren wife, and he prayed for 20 years before Rebekah became pregnant.

She of course in true God awesomeness was pregnant with twins. God is cool like that. At some point within her pregnancy she had to go to God for prayer because her twins were fighting each other in the womb… what in the world. What would that even be like? How incredibly painful. I know there were days that just one in my belly caused me anguish, but to have two battling so severely that I have to go to God for answers as to why? Well, that is an entirely different situation. God not only answered her with a simple- “because they will be rival nations”, but followed it up with- “oh, by the way- I hope this doesn’t affect you in your ooey gooey mommy heart- but your oldest sons descendants will serve the youngest sons descendants.”¬† The End… Just kidding.

Well as all mothers know, it affects us very deeply indeed to see injustice with our children and as uncommon births go, this one got interesting. Instead of a traditional baby boy a Big Foot was born. A hairy little baby, with his not so hairy brother holding his heel… smile- photo time! What’s a mom to do but love on the “normal” baby. I wonder if Esau and his hairy self was treated differently by his mother? So differently in fact that a parental preference is shown from mother to youngest son, Jacob and father to olde son, Esau. Jacob was at home more often with his mother in the house, while Esau joined his father and other men hunting and gathering; developing incredible skills outside.

Rebekah has spent the last 20 years of so hearing the words of the Lord rattling around in her head, and I wonder if she had ever shared them with Isaac?¬† Would that have changed his decision on his blessing? More of that in a few. Jacob proves that he has been under his mothers control using food as a weapon against his very hungry hunting, working out in the elements brother, and essentially trades his literal birthright because of his body’s physical need. I have to say I was shocked that He didn’t eat in the wild, or that he appeared back at home hungry, but more so that in his day and age he didn’t care about his birthright. It just doesn’t make sense- he was the grandson of Abraham! His grandfather was literally called the “Father of Nations”… that’s a wealthy guy, and the inheritance Isaac received was full and incredible. What person could care so little when status mattered sooo very much! Apparently Esau.

Jacob is well please with himself- but should he have been, I mean dudes typically just lie, women more often deceive- throw stones if you want- but it’s true. He resorted to what he had to have learned from life with his mother.

Time goes by- I didn’t study the timing… my bad.

Rebekah hears that Isaac is prepared to offer his blessing on Esau and she panics. She creates a plan to deceive her husband in a benefit to her youngest son. I am sure that what the Lord had said was in her mind throughout this and she was probably proud of herself, like she was bringing God’s plans to pass- how many of you know that while interesting in thought- that actually doesn’t work. His plans are good enough- He really doesn’t need you to do the planning, just the carrying out!¬† She actually sews and makes hairy items to cloak Jacob in. He goes to his father and receives the blessing, despite Isaac’s uneasiness at Jacob’s voice coming from Esau’s body. Don’t dupe blind people guys- It’s not cool.

Esau comes in from outside and prepares the meal as Jacob had already done and went to his father’s side, where Isaac learns that he has blessed the wrong son, and is unable to retract it. Esau weeps. I can not imagine the bitterness that I would feel at my brother, and certainly my mother when I found out her involvement. How could they take not only his birthright and the place of the first born son- but to steal the blessing- ouch.

His father gave a minimal blessing after this to Esau and what we see of Isaac’s interaction with Rebekah doesn’t show any antagonism at all… I know my husband would be furious with me. I don’t understand, and more so I am lost as to Rebekah’s change. How do you go from being the kind of woman that runs to get water for a strangers 10 camels to a women who deceives the man who loves her? Where did the change occur? Did bitterness come when she believed herself to be barren? Was she angry with the Lord for giving her a hairy son, maybe one who embarrassed her? What was it? Was it Isaac’s favoritism for Esau or just her love for Jacob? Did she just lose herself somewhere along the way? I don’t know. I have looked, I can’t see where a direct answer is given for why she would do these things.

I can tell you what I have learned from my short time being a wife and mother- I fail so often. I believe as women, we can get swept away in our failures, and what we can present to others matters far more than it should. Rebekah wasn’t unlike any of us. Each of us has hurdles to jump. I remember when I was sweet and kind, and completely un-jaded by life. A time before I knew agony in marriage, agony in death, and agony in dreams. I was different. I bet you were too. Back before you made that one mistake that has marked you. I bet if we got all of Rebekah’s story we would learn that there was a moment where everything changed. An event, a word, a heartbreak, that caused her to nosedive big time. Can you imagine what the cost of her deception was in monetary form? I bet none of us has ever cost one of our children a million bucks. The value of the inheritance Abraham left to Isaac was significant. I bet none of us has ever tried for literally 20 years to get pregnant. If you have- Bless your heart- and leave a comment- because we want to celebrate God’s faithfulness with you. I bet none of us are prepared to see what our lives would look like written out by someone else’s hand. The shame I would feel- would be overwhelming; but for His grace and mercy.

What we learn from Rebekah is that when God makes a promise to you, He does not need your help, deceitful or faithful to make it happen. He just needs you to be willing to carry out what He asks of you. There is beauty in that. In knowing that He has a plan that goes beyond you. If we didn’t believe that in the depths of our souls where would we rest? What we learn from her is that the beginning of our story doesn’t have to end the same, and vice versa. If you were like Rebekah- like the un-jaded me- we don’t have to stay in our “new”state- we can become even “newer” and reflect Him. We in fact, are called to look more like Him. There is more on the line than the way other people perceive us ladies, there is the internal perception our children not only see from us, but will reflect in themselves. We can build their character or break it. We can be a blessing to our husband or we can be a curse. It actually is, up to us.

May you have new strength to walk out His plans and purposes for you, May He show you the area of weakness that He will make strong, and may you choose to make today more than yesterday and the days before.



A Dream Released

I have dreams. Lots of them.

Big dreams. I actually thought that they would all come true.

I told you last week, I gave up the musical dream, the one that most vocalist have. I am ok with losing that dream. In that dream it would have been all about me.

The other dreams, have so little to do with me, but instead they have everything to do with children.

I have found that God is not caught unaware of any situation or circumstance. He knows. Everything. You can not come up with anything that He has not already made a plan for in your life.

My dreams begin with children. Lots and lots of children. This dream is one my spouse and I do not share. The endless pain of that has the ability to cripple. Instead of focusing on what my dream is, I look to the Lord. He alone, gave me each dream held tightly in my grasp. Today I have to let my dreams go. I am learning, as you are everyday that the things we do in His name, are not always done with Him, but instead for Him. The commission wasn’t go and do it without Him, but to take Him with us.

I guess somewhere in my hurried and chaotic wedding vows I didn’t hear the parts about giving up my dreams for my husbands dreams. That’s the amazing part about the word of God, sometimes you have to look deeper than the surface. His answers aren’t the same for every one of us; but instead He tailor makes each and every plan and dream. My desire to so strongly pursue my dream and give it up for Tim’s could very well be the only thing the Lord was trying to teach me. It may not be that I one day have an orphanage with laughing children in Africa the way I have always dreamed, maybe it will be a scaled back version of my dream, where my hearts longing and desire is carried out by the monetary support I send. Maybe having more children in my home is not to be. If the Lord has called me to more, He, and He alone will change my husbands heart. I am powerless to change him or anyone else. I can only change myself. I can choose to place my dreams in first place in my heart, and lose my marriage, or I can put the Lord first, my marriage second and my children third and let everything else be put into place by the Lord.

I put my faith in the Lord. He is the reason we change our lives upside down just to be aligned to Him and His word. This is not an easy thing to do. In fact, aside from losing my dad 6 years ago- His birthday was today, and He gets to celebrate with Jesus now, and cakes far better than I could have made—-wait— there is cake in heaven right? right???????¬† Marriage is the hardest thing I could have ever imagined in my life. Two different people with different backgrounds is hard enough, but Adam and Eve had junk in the trunk and they didn’t even HAVE parents, or divorces, or anything outside of their “issue” in the garden!

I also know it is the greatest gift God gave us so there has to be something He hopes we accomplish for the strife and anguish caused by rough spots in relationships.

I tell you, what I tell me- we CAN do this, and God Himself can have ALL of the glory. When a long time marriage is winning, get around those people and soak up their great tips, attitudes and words most used. Most of us show only the good in front of others, so we have this falsehood of great marriages secretly hemorrhaging in the church. No one wants to be “that couple”, you know- the one everyone knows has a struggling marriage. I dare you, be open with people you can trust- no everyone isn’t called to be as open with the world as I am. Some of you though, are called to be small group marriage leaders, and others are meant to be small group marriage attendees. The title doesn’t matter, the fellowship with other people who have gone before you is what matters. The contact, the information, the help, the wisdom of those who have made something incredible from a story much like yours or mine- well that’s the point.

You aren’t alone. You are not the only one messed up. Your spouse isn’t the only one messed up. The one thing we all share is fear of failure. You can give in, or you can stick out your jaw, wipe off the tears, and slobber marring your face and get back into the battle. There is one who has already gone before you and He has won the battle. You are able to do this and leave a legacy- of faith.

Much Love, and Incredible Faith in Him to do a good work in you and your marriage!!!



Marriage Truths

Marriage= hard work

no… I mean really= hard work

I heard someone say “when you find the right person- it shouldn’t be hard”.

I wanted to punch them- right in the jaw.

Just my honest reaction- I don’t hide most of my thoughts, or parts of me from you guys- if you read more than 3 posts- you get a pretty good idea that I am; if nothing else-“real”.

Did I punch them- no. They were on a dvd, so I couldn’t get close enough.

Continue reading

His Faithfulness Garnered Favor

I spoke with a friend of the family during the visitation hours at the viewing for Aunt Dee, and while I hadn’t seen that person in years, we took a moment and caught up. While she was talking I heard something I have heard all of my life about my mother; she was faithful.

During the times of separation my parents experienced early on in their marriage when my dad was testing who he was, my mother stood faithfully by. She waited for a man who verbally and physically expressed that he was gay, and she prayed. She prayed and we prayed, with her in the corner of our hall, and he came home. I was reminded that faith is one thing, but what we do with faith is another. We can plant our faith like the talents Jesus spoke of, or we can invest faith until the outcome is greater than the initial product. My mom is a planter. She created planters.

My brother is one of the most faithful people I have ever met. He has his quirks and like me, he shares some character traits that I am sure drive people crazy; we are so far from perfect, as is our mom; but one thing he got a greater dose of from our mom was faithfulness.

We have watched him serve his workplace for the last few years faithfully. He shows up on time, everytime. If he is supposed to be there it will take an absolute emergency for him to not be there. He goes in and does what has to be done despite the inconvenience of it. He doesn’t go around talking negatively about his workplace, he is just faithful. Lunch, no lunch, break or no break he is there to do a job and he does it. He left his job making more than he is currently making for an opportunity at advancement. While the advancement didn’t come as quickly as he hoped, a little boy named Micah did, and the weight of carrying his family on one salary for the first time began to test his faith. He now had a beautiful Jessa, sweet Ashtyn and wild and crazy boy, Micah; and his wife Lindsey- whom he flat out adores at home, and all of them counted on him for the first time, not only to keep things floating, but to be faithful enough to catch the eye of God and man.

Today the Lord showed that He is the God who promotes. My brother isn’t highly educated- although he is one of the smartest people I know. He isn’t fancy- in fact when his beard is in full force he is like an Alpine Mountain man -which I love- but his wife wins that war : ). He is a normal guy, your best friends brother growing up. He is faithful every Sunday to set up at church and most often helps to tear down leading to a full 6-7 ¬†hour work day on his day of rest. He has proven himself in so many ways and I am so proud of the man that he is.

I got a call today, and my beautiful sister in law was sobbing in my ear, and immediately I thought something must be wrong. She is trying to get out-“I’m crying because I am happy”… which to me presented so many word pictures in my mind– but I digress. She finally gets out, “Keith was called in to the office today(his day off) and he is getting a raise and is being promoted to a Supervisory position.”

HALLELUJAH…. You may not know what his faithfulness looks like, but I do. I know what it is to see him sweat after a full day of work and try to spend time with his children when he is flat dog exhausted. He has faithfully served his workplace and shown what true servant leadership. He gets to see today that God honors faithfulness. God promotes- HE SEES.

When you have the chance to slide by on something at work, or in your life; to not give your best; He sees. He is faithful to finish His work, do not think He will not be faithful to promote you in yours when you do it as unto Him.

Little Brother- I am so proud of you. May the Lord continue to shine His face on you and bless you with abundant favor. You are a special, gifted and generous man, and the Lord will give you much because you have been faithful with little.

Love you!




The kids and I have started amping up for Christmas. We love the holiday’s. We basically skip Thanksgiving much to my dear friends chagrin. She loves the fall holiday’s, and while I love fall, there is something ¬†about the smells, sounds and sights of Christmas that stirs me.

As a child, I was blessed. I remember asking for very few things that I didn’t get. My dreams always came to life, this taught me that I could dream, but it didn’t teach me how to ¬†handle dreams that don’t come true. ¬†I would creep down the stairs last Christmas Eve, and see the gifts in front of the tree illuminated by the Christmas Tree lights and something inside me would jump. I would most often go quietly back upstairs, more than the gifts I wanted to know that he had come. That the cookies I made were eaten and the milk was mostly gone.

Christmas brings out a side of me that is caged throughout the rest of the year; a light, for lack of a better word. I am in my element at Christmas. I feel different, I look different, I am different. I don’t know what it is that does it, but it’s like a cloud of anticipation settles on me, and I begin to look for miracles everywhere. My children have the same excitement, we are already prepared for Halloween night when the first movies of this holiday season hit Hallmark, while we decorate the tree and drink hot chocolate- ahem- hot coffee… It draws me, and I am all in.

I have noticed that jumping feeling on the inside of me over things other than Christmas lately. I am finding that the feeling is closer to passion than excitement. I am passionate about a few things that affect myself, our family and our nation, and those things light up in me just like a Christmas tree in the deep dark night.

I am passionate about Human Life- every cell that becomes an embryo that bears the resemblance of God should be afforded and awarded the right to live. ¬†This bears witness in genesis 1:27 “So God created human beings in his own¬†image. In the¬†image¬†of God he created them; male and female he created them.” When we continue to allow the massacre on our own soil, we are aborting the image of God.

I am passionate about Human Trafficking, specifically sex trafficking- no human should be sold or traded to any other person: ever. We are not property; and this is occurring right here in America. We can not turn our heads and think this happens in third world countries where we are “powerless”. It’s here and it must be dealt with. If you would like more information on this growing travesty please go to this site:¬† or visit their facebook page:¬† and find out what YOU can do to impact this horrific crime against humanity.

I am passionate about marriage- Marriage is so difficult; different backgrounds, family styles, traditions, values, and morals. I believe every marriage can survive; anything. I don’t support divorce in any aspect, because in no way does God get glory when we separate what “God has brought together”. He wants to heal your marriage. He wants you to be happy, but He is not dependent on your happiness, only your obedience to Him.

I light up internally, I jump and longing fills my soul for these things; when I hear, see or learn of something that impacts any of these internal indicators, it is like Christmas year round. I want to make an impact; I want my life to have been valuable to the Kingdom of God. I want to be so lit up that people see me coming from miles away, knowing that I stand for something. I want the gates of hell to shake when I wake up and put my feet on the floor in the morning. I want to be the light. When Christmas comes, a reverence falls upon me; that my glorious Savior would humble himself to walk among the sinners of the world and call them friend. I love Santa and the beauty of the wonder he creates, but he is nothing compared to the One who gives only good and perfect things.

He wants to make your dreams come true in a way that a physical gift never could. He wants to set you free from bondage to sin, transform your heart and release you back to the world covered in his grace and light. Everyday I make mistakes, some more than others, and while I often end up as Paul wanting to do right, and yet doing wrong, I am grateful for His grace and His desire to come to me anyway. You see no matter how many lights I put on the Christmas trees in our home- that’s plural- the physical light will never be what moves me. His presence is¬†light and that my friends; His light, moves me. As the holidays draw near, and they will quicker than most would like; allow each light you see on the store entrances, and home all around to push you closer to your passions. Those lights represent Him, and His light. Be ye the light of the World.



That’s What I Love About Fridays!

Friday- My favorite day.

I love Fridays. I remember that my love for Friday’s started in High School. I loved going to the football games, the smell of hot chocolate, hot dogs, and the brisk air- perfect fall weather. It was my happy place. I am a jeans and sweat shirt kinda girl. I think that also began in High School. As an adult I realize that it was a struggle with body image, and I was in no need of being concerned about that- but I was. I wore larger than necessary sweatshirts and I could hide inside it. Friday’s have continued to be a beautiful part of my life. It is the day I get to go home to my family and then stay with them for 2 extra days. I love that.

I love sitting on the floor piecing a quilt while my babies come to talk to me. (They will always be my babies, but they are respectively 7 & 8). We talk about all sorts of things. The bring up topics and we deal with them without embarrassment or shame. My son heard a song a few weeks ago and while we were riding down the road he brought it up- our conversation went something like this:

Cash: “Mom, I heard a song today.”

Me: “Ok, what song did you hear.”

Cash:”I can be a freak.”

Me: “Hmmm (in s sweet sounding way)… where did you hear that?”

Cash: “From someone. I wanted to ask you about it though- because I didn’t think it was good.”

Me: (My spirit is soaring- he knows- even without understanding!) “I am so glad that you asked me about this, because that song isn’t appropriate.” “What is most important is that your spirit spoke that to you before I did, and that means your relationship with Jesus is working!”

Cash: (Smiling largely) “That’s good, right, mom?”

Me: “That is very good. Thanks for bringing this to me and trusting me to talk with you about it.”


Our conversations aren’t always so easy- or so quickly solved. There are days when, like everyone else, we struggle to understand one another. I have often felt robbed of the time at home with my children, and when the Lord allows me to speak into the kids’ lives and have them trust me, it assures me that despite my feelings or availability, He will continue to lead them in truth, with or without me.

There is something about a Friday. I’m telling you. I don’t know what it is, but it brings possibility to me. I begin creating crafts in my mind before the materials are even in hand. I process through all of our options for the weekend and how best to use our time and finances to make memories. I long for the days of fall football games and spring basketball games, sharing these events with our children before it’s their time to be in school. I want us being there to be a normal occurrence. I don’t want a day to come where they think, “Why are my parents here?” Instead- we go together, and while they can go off and learn what it is to fall and get back up, emotionally and socially, we will be there, to cart them home, wipe their tears speak words of encouragement and love and remind them who they are and what they are called to be.

We can’t continue to live distracted, heads turned by every little thing, if I am not intentional now, teaching what end results should be, I am not preparing them for Friday nights and those awkward middle and high school years; and man, those days are rapidly approaching. Praying I can continue to be a mom who hears with heart, mind and spirit when those really difficult conversations come.

Praying for you too, that if you are already there or are headed there, that your relationships would be founded on solid rock, unmoving, unwavering, undisturbed by the storms of this life.