The Impact of Closet Prayers

For most of us, there is one moment- at minimum- that you regret more than any other moment. The reasons for the regret can be multiple, but the key is, it can’t be changed, or deleted. The moment happened. I have that moment stored, and I hold it close, because to expose that moment would break me, and everyone around me. I have allowed that moment to hold me captive for years. I look at it and remember it all the time. I will expose some of that moment now, so that it can’t haunt me any longer, and I will give God glory- because He is faithful and He is light in the darkness.

As I have shared before, I lost my step father in July of 2008 while I was separated from my husband, Tim. It was a difficult time and a horrendous loss of life. Even knowing he is with God, I am unable to find total peace. I desire too, but there is a weight upon me. I heard of Chris’ injury and went to see him, and while I was there I was making plans for my night. I left that day and went to watch my brother play softball, and when I left there I went somewhere else. The problem here is that normally, I am the one who goes to the hospital and stays until someone forces me to leave, unfortunately, my heart was so mixed up I selfishly left Chris and my mom to deal with it. While I was out in places I shouldn’t have been, my step father who I so desperately love, was slipping away and I wasn’t there to catch him. Even after he caught me so many times, and balanced me back out.

The last few weeks have been stressful and what happens to me, may happen to you, I get overwhelmed and I go to a place of darkness and I sit there and think of all of my mistakes, my errors- much like King David. Not that I am a Queen or Royalty, but I can read my own thoughts in the Psalms. Last night I had some worship music on and I felt like I needed to go to my closet to pray. Yes, my closet- I even cleaned it so I would have room on the floor to get on my face before the Lord. I opened my Bible and turned straight to Psalms 51, and I wept; because-there are not coincidences in His word, and the moment that you read it. He has a direct goal to bring you into His presence, to speak to you.

Psalms 51 is David crying out for God’s forgiveness after his sin with Bathsheba. He is asking God to restore his joy, to reunite his spirit with the heart of God. As I read this, I could relate on such a level that I almost felt like I was in the Kings palace, knowing I have everything, but not allowing that to satisfy me, and then carrying the weight of my sin along with all of my armor. The load is heavy, but He- Oh the Lord is faithful. As I was weeping I heard the closet door open, and felt a little body slip in. I didn’t look up, just continued to cry and pray to the Lord, and I heard a sweet voice calling out for God to come- to be with us in mommy’s closet. I looked up and my son-7 has his face on the carpet crying out to the Lord, and I broke.

That is our God. That is His presence and His love. He calls us to a place of brokenness and then He showers us with blessings and favor far beyond what we deserve. My sin deserved death. My God exchanged my sentence and instead gave me life. My heart exalts the Lord, exhorts His Name. He is a faithful, and just God. He is a loving father, and a joyful friend. He is one who mourns with you, and calls you back to joy.

I cannot take back my errors or my decisions, and despite how highly I thought of myself, I could not save my dear step father- I am not God. He allowed the loss, and while I may carry the pain and guilt of that for years to come, I know that I am forgiven and I am loved- beyond measure, against all odds, He calls to me, and says, “My Beloved, come.”

He says that to you today as well, “My Beloved, come.” He wants you to bring Him nothing but yourself, broken, used, devastated, heart broken, hurting, lonely, empty. He wants to take us from paupers, commoners and promote us to Royalty. He says- “For you and You alone, I would send my son to die, a sinner’s death- your death- on a cross- because I so desperately love you, that I had to tear the veil to give you access to my Holy Places.”

Go to Him today- and lay yourself before the Lord- and let your children see a contrite heart before the Lord. Show them the access that Jesus paid for- teach them to pave a way into His presence.




In the Action!

Hey There!

I have missed you. I wonder sometimes what would happen if I just stopped writing, and then due to a crazy unexpected week, I did, and I realized exactly what would happen… I begin to go… well crazy.

Tim, and the kids don’t deserve crazy me, so if I stop writing- pray for them, they need it! 🙂

We have had a week. I won’t go into details, but hear me when I say, this week could not have been more unexpected. If you are having one of those days, weeks, months or years, my family has been there. We have walked almost every crisis on the planet. Literally- this is not an exaggeration. We have learned one thing in this process. God is Faithful. Always.

He never misses the opportunity to turn your life around. He never is caught unaware of what is coming your way.

He is always able, and always willing to inject Himself into your mess- self created or otherwise.

He is God, He is incredible and His grace is enough for you. No matter what you are walking through, or what you have put someone else through.

If you have a moment- please pray for our family today, or whenever you read this, that God will give us grace to forgive, as He has forgiven us. Don’t believe for a moment that the Lord has forgotten you, or misplaced you. Continue to cry out to Him, His ears are open— does God have ears?

I’ll leave you with that thought!




What I learned from Fridays and Dunkin Donuts!

When Cash was in Kindergarten we used to have to drive to a bus stop near us that was the earliest route, so that I could get to work on time.

It was really frustrating. We would get there early every time, because you can’t chase the bus down with your car… well I guess you could, but it isn’t like me to chase anyone! 🙂 Something we did during that season was read the Bible together and work on Scripture Memorization. It was so much fun, and even now two years later, the kids know the scriptures, what I didn’t realize was how much it would impact me and my ability to remember the scriptures.

Continue reading

The Right to Life- Get Involved Before There is a Life to Fight for!

Hey There Ya’ll!!!

Hope you are enjoying the weather wherever you are! 

I can remember the first time I heard about abortion. I was sitting in a classroom in high school, and our sex ed teacher was telling us about it. I remember hearing things like tissue and your choice and it’s not a life, and I remember feeling confusion and then anger. I had read in Psalms about God knitting us together in our mother’s womb, that He had laid out our days, documented them even in a book all about us. I knew He was who He said He was, and that meant that what was being taught was not of Him. I remember going home and looking up abortion on the computer and images that haunt me to this day flooding my eyes, click after click after click. I didn’t look to enjoy the loss or the suffering that had taken place, I looked because I lacked understanding, and without understanding and knowledge, I can do nothing. I remember valuing life more than I ever had before and writing research papers in English class arguing my side, fighting as a child for a child.

I cried then and I cry now, thinking not only of lives lost, but lies told, promised made with no intention of fulfillment. I cry for mother’s who will weep for these children for years to come, because a moment of realization has come and they will have to carry what they have done, forever. I weep for father’s who have no say, no ability to claim the life within as theirs to raise, grow, and train in the Lord. For children who will never play on a swing set, or sit on Grandpa’s knee, who will not ever feel a sweet kiss pressed upon their forehead, because it is uncomfortable for the mother. It isn’t the timing she chose, or the way she wanted it to be, because she may have suffered a terrible injustice another injustice will be done to another innocent. I weep for them, who do not know what they do, but I weep more for those in the faith, who do know what they do, for churches that would be such hard and condemning places that someone who has made an error in judgment would feel they need to kill before walking back through those doors; to cleanse themselves of the “error”, instead of running in and resting at the altar, placing their hands in the loving, grace filled hands of Jesus.

We can grow in righteous indignation, and we have a right to it, but it isn’t the only way to win this war on Human Life. A place where animals have more rights than a human being. We can start at the heart of the issue. We can begin where Christ began, conception. Mary had an unusual circumstance, most don’t. Most are young people, seeking love, and finding lust resting in it’s place. We can choose to take the fight back to where it begins, at the heart of young girls, and young men, being taught about the love of Jesus, uncompromising, high standard holding and passion filled. They are looking for something, let’s give it to them! Talk about sex, and what it does to you out of the bond, and sacred security of marriage. They think it’s about the physical, and it is– but its so much more than that, the emotional turmoil that they will be forced to endure, the choices that will be made, the pain and heartache involved. Get involved! Find out what the youth leaders and upper elementary staff need at your church, donations of materials, money & time. Be there! Be the one that doesn’t condemn, that they can come too, don’t allow people with gaping wounds to walk around without bandaging them, without simple and beneficial first aid. Give them Jesus, Time and Love, and Grace will follow.